Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Third Bond Movie to Feature Daniel Craig

Following a discussion with the TinkTank ™ (that is, Space Cake, Hilbotron and Kong Nip) last night, I am in a position to make the following projections regarding the third James Bond movie to feature Daniel Craig.

We believe the movie will be set in India, based on the current interest in Bollywood, Slumdog Millionaire etc. It’s been a while since Bond has been there, too. There will be scenes set far to the north of the country in the foothills of the Himalayas (so they may well make it into Nepal). They’ll need some desert to do the obligatory scene where he walks through an arid wilderness in full evening wear, (and a posh hotel for him to turn up looking all dishevelled). There will most definitely be a ski/skidoo chase of some sort. Micro-light gliders may make a welcome comeback. By now, even the most myopic of producers will be aware that they have exhausted the boat chase and free-running rooftop chase. Snooze-O-Rama!

The plot will most likely be about an Indian power company that finds a renewable power source (maybe something where water is a by product – Woohoo!). Should they release the technology or use it to hold over a billion people to ransom? What would you do? I’d recommend Babs Broccoli give Ian McDonald a call. His novel River of Gods might give her a few ideas. Pakistan may also be used – (what kind of movie would it be if we didn’t have a crazed warlord with a world class collection of nukes?)

The Bond girls will be:

One from India - probably Deepika Padukone. We know she can kick and bite when she needs to. No Kardashians for this one, please. The role will require a beautiful actress, not an overrated gypsy.

One from Australia – a blond doctoral student who made the breakthrough. Not Nicole Kidman! She hasn't been good since To Die For.

The movie will be called Time Enough for Tears, or something like that, thanks to the fact that the project is called the Vishnu Project. The Pussyflap Dolls will do the song. (I’d prefer if they gave Cradle of Filth a shot).

Most likely, M will be annoyed with Bond for not following the rules. Like we aren’t bored with that one… With a bit of luck, John Cleese and gadgets might make a comeback.

That’s about all we have to say on the subject.… the film won’t be much of a success, and will probably lead to Daniel Craig getting his marching orders. Poor Daniel… he wasn’t that bad…

Let us know your suggestions and comments!


  1. I reckon they're finished with the black haired beauties being the dominant force in bond babes. Bollywood men could also come on the scene, I won't object, in particular Shar Rukh Khan...he always makes a good villian(sans shirt thank you!)...

  2. Although... Kim Kardashian has a porn tape out, so I suppose she is famous enough to be a Bond girl after all.

    And this just in... I believe one of her sisters has 'released a scent.' Perhaps she should stay away from the onion bajees!

    Er... is leaving comments on your own blog lame?