Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Adam Sandler Guide to Making Movies

There are two rules you need to remember if you want to be a successful movie-maker like Adam:

1. Kissy kissy
2. Talky talky

1. Kissy kissy.
In order to establish our protagonist as an all-round good egg worthy of the audience's sympathies, you must have them behave in a friendly manner towards elderly people and children in the first 2o minutes of the film. You could have them help an old lady pack oranges into a brown paper bag at the grocery store, pitch a baseball for a loveable street urchin or shout a personal question about an pensioner's health across the street. 'Hey Mister Shapiro, how is your prolapse?' or something of that nature.

There is no other way to make your protagonist likeable, so if you fail in this, your movie is doomed. Ever wonder why nobody liked Tony Montana?

2.Talky talky.
Mercilfully, all Adam Sandler movies end sooner or later (even though you might have thought 'Click' would go on forever). When ending a movie, there is no need to wrap up the plot or think of a clever reversal. Simply have the character stand in front of a crowd, admit to all of their shortcomings and ask everyone's forgiveness, forbearance and understanding. They are bound to understand and release your inheritance for spending, grant you custody of a child or support whatever earth shattering outcome you desire. Easy as pie! And it works in real life too!

There are only two films where Adam has not followed his own rules: Punch Drunk Love and Reign over Me. The fact that they are his best movies cannot be explained using modern critical techniques.


  1. Punch Drunky Love was cool for the very fact that he DIDNT make a speech...and he punched some windows in too. Lean on me...was it not Reign on me, the one where he's a widower or something?

  2. I have been trying the kissy kissy, talky talky approach for years... it's not working... am i doing it backways?!?
    You're professional opinion would be invaluable.